pantomime

2006-10-09T23:57:00.000-07:00

And if my lungs still let me breathe,
Will you be there for me?

EXAMS ARE OVER :D
towned today, ate alot, laughed alot, made too much noise (:

I'm sorry, I hope you're fine. I love you so.

Sometimes I wish that I could run away
Sometimes I wish I just had something to say

2006-10-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

And all the roads we have
to walk along are winding
And all the lights that
lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

after all the mugging and stress for more than a week, yesterday night was really fun (: (amath on monday, but we decided we needed a break) we were embarrassing, poked candle on mooncake for someone's part 1.1.1 birthday, sang songs, wishing (: the guys beside us were worse, we sat in a row watching their charity show, they wanted to jump over a small fire and wanted to burn milk (we got scared and ran away) marshmellows were nice, and vivien was very excited :D mooncake fest's great with fav people <3

I'm sorry, for causing so much hurt between both of you. I'll try to make things alright for you again, I'll try to make the both of you close again, get back what you once had.

& I'm sorry I can't do anything, but watch you get hurt, and then end up getting hurt myself.

Alright, alright, alright
You make the calls tonight
I surrender, to your love

I get so tired listening to you sometimes, because you never cared everytime I told you I'm sad, or rather, you listened, but just one sentence from you, and then you'll talk about your problems again. You know how tiring it is, thinking of how to help you but yet have you ever bothered about me ? I wanted to call you last night, but it hit me that you wouldnt bother.

2006-10-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart

i didnt mean to go in between you two, i didnt know me appearing would cause so much hurt. im sorry, and i would like to save the situation between both of you, because you both matter so much to me, and your happiness now is all that matters. you're not lousy, youve never been, believe me.

2006-10-03T21:48:00.000-07:00

It's hard to deal with the pain
of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when
I see our old friends and I'm alone

i found out today i dont know alot of things about you, while she does. i knew you were sad because of her, but why, why couldn't you tell me. i guess it's different, she has brought you so much fun, while im only capable of being emo. i thought i thought, staying back with you today might make me happy, but maybe leaving you and her there would be better for you. maybe im asking for too much, but im feeling so much like a substitude. and i see that, trying to ask you to tell me things wouldn't help after all. i thought going to somewhere else could make you tell me things, but instead it was just silence. i had so much to tell you, but i just don't know how. i love you, and im sorry im so freaking selfish. i really really really love you <#

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

you dont have to promise anything. up to this point of time, im convinced, that there's so many others that you have to care for. but i just dont get why not me. why do i have to be at the side watching you be happy with others, and catch you while you fall ? im trying so hard to pretend it doesnt matter anymore, but you know i care, or else why does my mood change so much everytime ? its just tiring, thinking that i could one day be the one again. and as i wait, have you ever noticed, unless i smsed you ? im not blaming you. maybe it's just me, i can't bring you enough happiness. if you really think im treating everyone the same, then im sorry i cant feel that you're treating me differently.

Romeo, you know you mean so much to me, and I was honestly hurt this afternoon. I'm still waiting for you to say that im wrong, and you didn't mean it. I love you, and I hope you cheer up.

im going to fail all papers, and im not looking forward to him scolding me. because he never cared about the difficulty of the paper, he never cared even when i say 'everyone thinks it's hard too', he never cared about me being happy. all he wants is results, and he never knew how high his expectations are.

Made my mistakes, let you down says:
You'll be fine, I'll be fine,
We must "有福同享，有难同当“
And just when I thought I don't matter to anyone, Bestie's there :D I love you, you must be fine too okay ? Don't worry about me ! Of course I got smile, don't anyhow say (:

bestie bestie youre so messy
after volley you feel icky
but i still love you plenty!

I hope you're fine, because prelims' not everything <3

2006-10-02T23:49:00.000-07:00

And I've been keeping all
the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but
I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

I love you, do not ever think you do not mean anything to anyone. Because you mean so much to me.

physics was a killer though i read audrey's a1 guide :D (bestie, it's been long since we spent time together, & i, miss you.)

chem's not even half done.

Mortal, remember that I'll always be here. No matter what, everything will be fine. Everything's fated, what's yours will be yours. I just hope you'll stay strong, move on, because there's just so many more people who care alot for you. If you need me, I'm just a call and sms away. & remember that angel is watching over you <3

2006-09-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

Paint sarcastic smiles upon new wounds
Tears of misery stain scar filled minds
Hatred new like tomorrow
flows from bitter memories

eoys have been not so good, next week's going to be long.

Vicious cycle of Physics tomorrow (:

and i thought we were doing fine, but you just never got the time for me. why me. why not others. for once, i felt so tired being there for you yesterday and this morning, because i felt like you didnt care about me being there, you were more bothered about what you thought, you didnt even care about what i said in the smses. you said you needed me, but only for this kind of stuff. if not, you'll either go back with someone else, stay back with someone else, be with someone else. maybe you dont know, but i could sacrifice anytime to be with you. but you cant, you wouldnt.

I will breath for love tomorrow
Cause there no hope for today

The girlgirl loves her Cute Teddy Bear alot.
Thank you for always being there, & always making me embarrass myself by smiling to sms (: I loved you more than you'll ever know.

Mortal, I'm here <3.

2006-09-26T18:14:00.000-07:00

I'll be right here with the words you say
Looking for the words to say
(You know what you did you know)
How can anybody forget the promise that you made?
'Cause this is how a promise breaks

2006-09-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

it's unfair, how much i love you & yet, im let down again. ive given you the chance again, i didnt want to know youre pissed/upset, i'd rather i be sad myself. though no matter what you do can make me feel any better, i hope you'll keep your word. it hurts so much do you know.

everything's falling apart. i haven't been studying.

Bestie & Bitchy, I love you.

Twin don't worry about me, I'll be fine <33

2006-09-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

Just as much as I love you, I'm sorry for not being good enough. Don't drink, you've been my drain cover, so I'll want to stop you too.

2006-09-22T23:25:00.000-07:00

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know

remember your promise, must play for me okay :D thank you for being my drain cover. its okay that you just sat there, i felt better knowing you were there. i thought you wouldnt have cared. your cute expressions and warnings were funny (:

i love you
9_8686__ (:

Dearest smile, I know I've not been the greatest for this period of time. I hope you'll forgive me.

so they need you more than i do now.

2006-09-21T23:54:00.001-07:00

You see the same damn thing
it's just a different date

2006-09-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

it hurts when people keep reminding me that i must draw the line. i know i have to but i just dont know why its so difficult. maybe im just not strong enough to make the right decision, running away seemed so easy for awhile.

you should not expect me to give, if youre not giving too. youre running, im running, so what's the point. it hurts to know that im trying to talk to you but, youre saying you cant pretend. that i cant blame you, but i dont see a solution to this. i dont even see how, even if i gave up, it would affect you, because youve got others now.

2006-09-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

i dont know, how you're really feeling now. maybe you didnt see me, but the way we walked passed each other, gave me this shit feeling. the way i felt when i knew you were behind me, but i didnt want to turn back, was not nice. the way you smiled at me, and me looking away, made my heart ache. i read your letter over and over again, thinking why are you being so nice to me, why am i so useless that i cant do anything about this. all i want now is for you not to think that youre useless just because you dont know me well enough. i care but i cant show it. im not allowed to. i heard the song blind, it made me think of how 'twin' started. im sorry it has to be this way. i guess, you've given up, because im just being so indecisive, i dont know what to do.

you cant blame me for feeling that way about you and her, because it feels like youre much happier with her around you. maybe you like her, but would you just spare a thought for me, please. its like she has totally replaced me. now i want to tell you stuff but im afraid. im afraid you wouldnt listen. i appear angry, but fact is i just do not want to think of how close we used to be. im not stopping you to have other close friends, but where am i now ? for the last time im telling you this, that it hurts that you hurt yourself, after so many times of trying to stop you. maybe its coincidence that its at the same place as her, but maybe im just not special enough to stop you from doing so.

im not spending time with you, but you are not spending time with me too, issnt it ? all i think now is that, im just a someone to go home with you, so you wont be lonely on the way home. how we talk now, its as if we're so far away, its like we've not had anything special at all. im trying hard to talk to you, but your answers are just not the same as last time. how you said you hated me got me hurt, whether its a joke or not.

i feel like giving up on eoy, i just cant focus enough. left sch at 5, reached at 7. walked to station and popular, it was nice feeling that it was like last year again (:

2006-09-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

fever the whole of yesterday, slept the whole day, without any studying. missed study sesson ):

i know youre hurting, but it hurts me just as much. if you ever wanted me to treat you like how i treat her, then i hope you would one day show me that im someone special. i cant say we're better like this, but i dont know what to do now. i still want to be that someone for you, but im sorry we're like this.

How close is close enough?
and i thought you would care.

2006-09-15T19:36:00.000-07:00

Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

<33333333333333

Today is a very special day (:

2006-09-12T22:36:00.000-07:00

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

feeling so empty now, its scary.

exams are killing me, and im not focusing enough. im still upset over chi prelims, but no one would really understand how it feels like to get c5 for a chi paper, which a normal person would get A2/A1 for olevels. and even if this paper's harder, it doesnt mean i could easily get a B for olevels. what about higherchi, i just dont know how i'll pull through. it's not as if, i anyhow do the chi papers, it's not as if i havent tried tuition, it's just quite demoralizing, esp when people who freaking passed are complaining.

im starting to have doubts. maybe im just not good enough, maybe your finally decision would be a no, after all.

T3, I'm glad I've got you to cheer me up everyday (: You were really very funny, I couldn't help laughing, and I thought I said AT the toilet <3

2006-09-09T22:22:00.000-07:00

Guess I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn

study session was not very productive, but still kind of fun (: joy sent me this,
Hey, if we can't find a way
out of these problems,
then maybe we don't need them

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
<3

2006-09-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

So I'll say why don't you and I
get together and take on the world
be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again

my sister's classmate has got a tumour near her heart, 3rd stage. not able to go for operation because its too near the heart. it freaks me out quite abit, how life can be so unpredictable. i'll always think that someone's crazy everytime she says 'what if i die tmr', but we'll never know.

study session tomorrow (:
Baby, Zack, Michael, Gabriel, Gabriella

Smile, I'm sorry for all that has happened. All that I've felt might have been selfish, but I really hope you'll understand why.
<33333333

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
if only if you could take some time off your problems, and spend some time knowing whats happening in my life. it seems like everyday im there to listen, but i really dont know where you would disappear to every single time. most of the time when you listened, did you bother doing anything much ? im tired. what happened to late night smses, talking on the phone, and simply being happy together ? maybe i should remind myself that, it will never be the same again.

2006-09-07T22:22:00.000-07:00

We will rock EOY upside down, inside out, round about the merry go rounds, all over town.

it's tiring to study especially when you know everyone's way ahead of you, and you know you'll never make it anyway.

if you think im mean ive nothing to say. its just how i feel, esp that day. i did not say anything about her, neither am i blaming any of you. my heart ached so much, but i love you. please tell me everything's fine. youre the last person i ever want to lose. i really got nothing else to say, im too tired arguing. do what you want, i'll never blame you except myself. (i love you still.)

in the end its the same thing. im there to help clean up the mess.

Romeo, I'm here.

Our memory defeats us all

2006-09-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know

lessons were horrible. physics remedial for both days didnt help failures (according to him) like us.

study session tmr (:

T3, yes i fell down the drain. the third party's blue ): mIee LurbX eUu w0Rxx.

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

2006-09-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

Thank you bestie, for the talk. Bestie study session tomorrow ? (:

2006-09-04T22:12:00.000-07:00

You write such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt

i don't know how everything started in the first place. i tried to pretend, but i realise no matter how hard both of us pretend, it will still be, weird. you say youre scared of hurt, i am too. i dont see anything to talk about, because i dont think anything can be done, i dont even know the cause of everything. when i read your blog, my heartached, how could you ever doubt me. you know, i would rather we start over again, right from the time we just met, maybe it would all be different now. you see, we spend so little time together now, how could we ever go back again. i dont know anymore. the feeling of wanting to tell you that i miss you, everytime youre right beside me, kills.

how many times must you do this to me. you dont say it, but in just afew min, it makes everything seem as if its my fault. im sorry, i cant be what you want me to be.

2006-09-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

You have me still because I'm breathing
Although it has slowed down

study session yesterday until 930 (: was fun and productive. today's wassnt really, was short.

3Sep2021, I will meet Vanessa Lim Sze Min at Northpoint's BK, and ask if she has forgiven me.

haven't been productive yet. chi prelims tomorrow.

i miss you.

Scene missing, fade to black
You're acting all this out again

2006-09-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

We've been, we've been too quiet for too long
Where is, where is the hope we once had
It's too late to be saved by your charm
We'll never get this right

2006-08-31T23:52:00.000-07:00

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

teacher's day celebration was kind of boring, no walk&run ! ):

supposed to eat pasta with classmates but but but ): so many backed out, last minute. then asked whether they wanted to go out, they just couldnt decide. me and pan got really pissed off. but in the end puay serene me and pan went to oreo bing, and funny serene fell, haha. shopped for rachelng's present then puay's stuff and lunch (:

(we're too busy for each other, arent we.)

movie with bitchy and only bitchy ! bought tickets for 310, reached home at 3 because of the bus. ended up being 10min late. she's funnily scaredy, hurricanes and dolphins scared her. when they were sweet in the movie, i deserved a slap on the leg from her. i still had fun (: its been long that we've been together (:

Mortal, is issn't your fault at all. It's mine. Thank you, for always being there.

You, I love you.

how could i have survived without you cheering me up every single time (: i wouldnt want to disturb you, so i'll really let you study. Just so you know, I cannot live without you.

Smile, I like late night msn convers,
And I'll find my way to you wherever you are
Cause you are in my soul and you have got my heart
And your love will carry me on

Did I disappoint you or let you down
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown

2006-08-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

I wish that I was dreaming
cause then I could see your face

maybe it was only my wishful thinking that you would be able to be there for me. did you know i have been sad for the whole day, and when i asked you out of class i thought you would have asked. i wanted to tell you, but it doesnt make a difference i think. i tried my best to cheer you up, but i dont see you doing that to me. even worse, i felt like i hugged a pole who just stood there. i thought i could find comfort, but you stood there, and asked something else. i walked pass, purposely not saying anything, hoping and wishing you would just come out, but you didnt, twice. i messaged you, asking to talk, but i didnt get a reply. but i saw you with her and her instead. i ignored your shouting when i walked back to class, i thought you were going to walk up to me to talk. but when i turned, my heart broke. it was only to tell me meiling was there, and to show me how youre there for some other people. theres no use for sorrys anymore, maybe i shouldnt expect anything. my mind tells me to let you lead your own life, but my heart tells me i need you. i wanted and hoped for you to be there for me the whole of today, but i was left alone, left alone to tear silently while pretending to be fine. im tired, we're both tired. its exactly one year ago that we were happy together. sometimes i ask, am i not good enough ?

smile, i think it was weird today. its me who started all these nonsense. i love you.

my dear, thank you for giving me a surprise (: i wouldnt be able to smile if you didnt ask to go out. youre so blur, but i still love you. sorry for breaking your heart, just, dont do anything to yourself, thats all that matters. sorry for scaring you last night, im glad you were there.

bestie, tell me soon leh ! i wont laugh, promise (: sorry for making fun of your butt, but its just too funny and cute.

bitchy, i hope dental was fine ! i dont have the guts to talk to you, im sorry.

mortal, as much as youve always been there for me, i hope i can be too. cheer up, cause youve got angel and ive got mortal (:

I believed in once upon a times
Happy ever after fairy tales
I believed a love I thought was mine
Never thought this heart could be so frail

2006-08-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

im sorry ive been such a heartbreaker lately. i dont know where are you now, please be okay. im really sorry. hang on there okay ? SMILE, I CANT BE WITHOUT YOU EITHER <3

im still waiting, but i do not expect anything anymore.

I love you, I swear that's true.

2006-08-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

Once again we've gone off track
And lost all hope for coming back
It's time to restart again
And try all over again

before coming to school, i told myself to show you how i can survive without you. how could you even think im fine, when everything's like this now. but you know what, i ended up feeling that you can survive without me. whats the point, doing this to each other, we'll never go back to the past. so bye 2005, i love you.

we're losing each other. i know im unable to give you good advices, maybe she's better. you talk to so many other people about this, i guess without me disappointing you would be no difference right. where'd you go ? i miss you so. im not going to leave you, but im sorry for the disappointment. i wouldnt mind you talking to other people, as long as youre happy. i love you smile.

im avoiding talking to you. i cant think, i dont know what to do. but i know i dont want to lose you. im sorry ive neglected you for so long now.

Bestie, I hope you're fine. It sucks knowing you were sad last night, but I couldn't save you from doing so. I'm sorry.

ah yuck, nose bleed so much, thought i was suffering from some illness and i was going to die.

the day will come soon.

So now I'm trying hard to let go
Let you go,
but I can't seem to loosen my grip

I feel an emptiness inside
A part of me already died
When I pretended to go on
Like everything's okay
Then all we built began to fall
As I began to lose it all
I shut my eyes to set me free
'Cause I was scared to see
That we weren't who we used to be

2006-08-24T22:39:00.000-07:00

Mortal, thank you for the pretty heart. I still want the pretty star, sorry I never aim properly. I won't forget that you tripped me and laughed nonstop. You're evil. But I know you love me alot, because you cannot be angry with me for even 15min, you said it yourself (: Don't be so depressed everyday can ? Tomorro'w coming soon by the way ! <3

"I'll be fine. Cause I've got angel and you've got mortal (:"

LB, you don't know it, but I love you.

I love thee !
You say hello,
Inside I'm screaming I love you
"If I fall into the ocean, would you rescue me?"
<3

havent even been thinking lately. school today was fun, one lesson only ! after school was great, we were depressed :D

2006-08-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

If only love could find us all
If only hearts didn't have to fall
We can't mislead to make things right
So instead we'll sleep alone tonight

recess and after school is so quiet without so many gone ! and i miss them alr ):

dry shoot was quite fun (: but no bestie ! ): hurry come back leh, i miss laughing with you.

i like today, all the people who made me laugh :D
Dorittos, Lays, Pringles, Ruffles, Cheeseballs
stupid people who claimed they run very very slow, but ended up sprinting for morning jog.

dinner's lontong and crab and prawn from grandma (:

Bitchy, I miss you. As in, miss MISS you. (& rainy days & going back & talking & praying &, everything.)

2006-08-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

today's study session was not very productive, but i'll really concentrate, probably tmr. i really have to. thanks to the stupid jiantie, that has wasted so much of our time, two nights are gone. and i dont see the pont of doing this.

im this close to giving up, this close to not caring anymore.

the camp's tomorrow, take care (:

Get up, shut up. says:
Note to self: I'll miss you terribly.
<33333333
I was really lost today myself, I wassn't able to cheer you up. I hope you're okay, I know I wouldn't be able to let go, which is, very soon. But I know, we'll both tide through this. Because I've got you, and You've got me. Take care okay ?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

If only we could turn back time, if only, it's one year ago.

2006-08-19T22:26:00.000-07:00

It's like lighting candles in the rain

escape today was great (:

its hurting so bad but i guess you never realised. that i hate you and love you at the same time, it sucks.

its so long now, ive stopped trying. or maybe, because both of you are okay again, im at the side once again. its not right, when you two are not okay, im there, but now, who am i. stop doing this to me, you know i care, but i just cant bring myself to show it because i know you two have each other, im in no position to ask. you said we're so faraway even though we're side by side, but would you please ask yourself, since when have i been the one. only when all else fails, then i would be there, but otherwise, we'll drift. no matter what, i'll promise you a bear, a nicer one (: and you, you made me feel like im there only because of her. it sucks, you know.

i cant help feeling helpless about the situation now.

Bitchy
I don't say it anymore, but you know I love you right, you know I mean it right ? I know nagging wouldnt help, I know telling you that I know wouldnt help, but I hope that letting you know I've always been here would help you feel better. I love you.

Romeo
Romeo oh Romeo, you've been rather weird lately, suddenly getting sad and stuff. I don't know a thing about what's happening, I'm such a failure. But I hope you would be able to share with me stuff, just like how we did back in Sec1. But now, you've so many other people you probably wouldn't need me. But Juliet needs Romeo to always be there (: Rou Mi You, Wo Ai Ni.

SMILE
This is the promise we've made
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU TO DEATH, TILL DEATH DO WE PART. WE'LL BE BESTFRIENDS, OUR HUSBANDS WILL BE BESTFRIENDS, OUR KIDS WILL FORM A BAND, I LOVE YOU!
<33333333
tell me, where would i be with you gone.

2006-08-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

Those days are gone forever,
I should just let them go

talked to mum about sis. and she ended up crying and blaming herself.

how how how. you got tell daddy ? you going to talk to her ?
daddy siao one, say its nothing, because her age is like that. i try to bring her out tomorrow then talk to her lor, i try lor.
you think she will listen meh ? is it deep ?
don't think so but pain leh ! penknife cut you know ! how to know whether deep or not ?
confiscate her pen knife and throw away ?
you think she cannot find meh, later she go kitchen take knife then you know. im serious !
is it my fault ?

it hurts so much to see you like this. how much i wish i could ask you about it, how much i wish you could talk to me about whats going on. i want to help but i just cant.

today, heart ached. heart ached. heart ached. i felt like crying, but i'll not show you my weakness.

i thought, we were close, i truly thought we were. but i just realise you've never been telling me things, and neither have i. i chose not to know, because i know im not your plan a. i do not like the feeling of being a plan b, i've felt that too many times before. i still love you, i still care about you, but, too bad.

time keeps going on without us, why is it everytime i tell you, it seems like its just nothing to you. but do you know how much i care about it ?

i can tell you how disappointed i am sometimes, that we hang up with me feeling sad, but you couldnt do anything. you're so tired, and i feel alone for many nights. maybe its my fault too, i just kept quiet, just crying silently on the phone.

today made me feel worse, that it's even more impossible. that maybe, she has replaced me completely, after all. i held back my tears, telling myself, i could be without you anyway. but you know i cant forget.

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are
You and me
I can see us dying
are we?

2006-08-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

I guess it's not that easy,
but I hope that you still love me anyway

though we often quarrel and stuff like that, i cannot believe that you actually did it. look at your life and how horrible you think it is. it somehow hurts and affects me, but i dont have the guts to ask you. i hope youre fine coping well with your own life. i do not say it at all, but deep inside i know i love you. you're my sister after all, but yet i do not know anything about your life at all.

and the worst thing is, you say its nothing. maybe if you found out about _, you would say its nothing too. would you please stop looking at things on the surface. esp my results, or when i dont talk, all you think is that, im rude. if you dont want to care, all the more im allowed to.

i hope everything's okay for you, somehow you come to me for help only. but after talking about it, you'll go to someone else. it hurts that you only sms me because of her. it just makes it seem as if we have each other to break each other's fall, to clear up each other's mess, and nothing else. you say its partly because of me, but do you know it hurts seeing us so faraway. sometimes i wish you're mine and only mine, but i know that its not possible. tell me when's the last time we actually had fun together. everyday is just complaining and ranting, and then, leaving. the thing is, we know its hurting bad, and we're both searching for a cure to the pain, but nothing's going to happen if we're not doing anything.

you said that i dont talk to you much, but i do not want you to know that i've stopped ranting, because of what you said before. i want to complain nonstop but im just scared that you'll mind. i dont want to add my problems to you, i would rather be there for you and stop your mindset of 'my life sucks'. because i love you so.

i love you, but sometimes, i hate you so much. for only caring about certain people, while you complain about others.

breakfast tomorrow, love (:

get well soon, pretty person who gave me sweet gift :D dont kill her out of jealousy okay (:

I sit around all day and
I waste my whole damn life away
Still thinking about just what there is to say
Should I say goodnight?
go to bed, turn out the lights
and leave you shining in the past
Should I try and forget?
even though next week it's something I'll regret
Or, should I try and make it last?
I think about the day when I felt
you'd throw it all away to try
and make me feel like I'm the one
You were my best friend,
and I never ever thought those days would end,
but now it seems like they are gone
What more can I say?
I never wanted it to be this way,
and where the hell is yesterday?
We sure had a blast!
I'm sorry that we're living in the past,
should we try and make it last?

2006-08-16T23:58:00.000-07:00

you're such a disappointment. how many times must you do this to me, since freaking last year. can you stop being so easily influenced, for once. i hate thinking about how you hugged and said sorry to me at the last day of school last year, but now, its the same thing again.

we were this close to letting go, so close to me _ right now. but im glad i chose not to. <3

Thank you smile.

Get up, shut up. says:
I know it's like a fight between your heart and mind
Get up, shut up. says:
listen to your heart

Maybe I'm not ready for this,
and you know it
Maybe I'm too scared to
tell you what I'm really thinking
It's not fair to stay together
because of regrets we might have
I don't want to fall asleep alone,
but do I want to wake up with you?
I'm only trying to be completely honest

So I guess this is the ending
or a beautiful mistake
And if we both agree that we
shouldn't be together why does it hurt so much?
I feel like I lost my closest friend
I don't want to fall asleep alone,
but do I want to wake up with you?
I hope you're happy and completely lonely

2006-08-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

Bestfriend
Thank you for the pretty brownie (although part of it is eaten up!). I tried that replaced part, and its so yummy, i gobbled it within 5seconds :D Your mms was so sweet, I'll say it back to you (:
Im finally p4 ! I love the way you make me laugh, I love the way you make me blush. I love the way you're always there, I love the way you care. I love you for who you are and I'm gonna stickwitu forever.

Bitchy
Barbie (includes ring and necklace) + Princess balloon + Bitch's dog bowl + Warranty card, THANK YOU KEN ! The road has indeed been rather bumpy for us, but the warranty card is forever right (: Thank you for being so high and excited, and dragging me to the present even before everyone started moving. You wished me at least 20 times today, and happy birthday to you too (: Remember the house ah, I'm buying the whole thing when it's done !

Boyfriend
I'm waiting for your present, I'm very excited. I want to go out with you too, and I want the surprise :D Hurry up (: I was happy when you messaged me using your mother's phone, just like how we always messaged each other late at night (: Remember, eoy ah !
YOU S.U.C.K (You know I don't mean it right ?)
How do I live without you ?

Buddy & Brother
My sec one & current table mates AKA My Happy Family (: Lessons would not be so full of laughter without you two, always making me embarrass myself with high pitch laughters ! Brother, I really liked the Milk rich in fats & vitamin m, it was cute and I held it dearly, though the content is really disgusting. Buddy, the buddy meal was cute, but you promised another one right, because you said it was not nice to eat. Just like that, it went down :D I love you two.

Dearest
I really like the present, because it's so, YOU (: And, it's full of your love right ! The sewing was so perfect, I thought it was a logo ! Thank you for spending so much time and effort on it, and please, how can I bear to use the towel for camp, think you're crazy (: I like going back home together, because it makes me very happy. Happiest girl in the whole wide world doesnt need presents everyday (: There's so much more to say to you, but for now, I love you !

LB
You know I hate you alot right. The opposite right ? :D You ass, always break my heart when you say you dont like me already ! The milo was especially nice today, it tasted so, homely :D The tiny container to put the milo powder was cute. By the way, I stole the cup home, all because my LB brought it to class for me (: And please, it's Hotcake Syrup, not honey ! Such an embarrassment (: Thank you for being my LB, for being always there for me (:

Mistress
You seduced me on my birthday right :D Thank you for wishing me alot of times, and the two special tissue. Your sms gave me a shock, my sweet lovely mistress !

Mortal
I like the two drawings that you've given me so far :D Really need to thank you for being there for me, especially late at night (: Plastic surgery tomorrow, you can't wait right ? You're really a nice friend, and I'm not nerdy or bochup ! (: Take care okay, don't make people worry.

Romeo
Pretty heart shape cheese&choc cake :D It's nice, though you think only the bottom is nice (: The video is so so so sweet, it made me tear. Thank you for all the very very nice memories, I'll never forget them, and I'm sure there'll be much more to come (:
Romeo, oh Romeo,
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

Sec2s who wished
Beloved squad ! Thank you so much, I jumped and got a shock whenever anyone of you wished (:

Shannen, Stephanie, Beatrice,
Peiwen, JiaYin, Karon, Yanlin
Thank you for the very cute umbrella ! I was so shocked you know, it's so pretty, got words on it (: We will always stand by you too <3

Smile
1230, QINGTIAN ! I was very touched, I wanted to cry, but hearing your happy cheerful voice made me smile instead. Though random, I like the present alot :D The shirt's so pretty (I was jealous that you told me it wassn't for me and that friend's really really important!). The letter's so meaningful, thank you for all the effort spent, I really appreciate. I think I'll think alot when I reread it. Thank you for just, being, you <3 You know I love you, and I'm sorry for the disappointment. I need you to know, you've never let me down or hurt me.
Plus, I've gotten you.
Who needs the world When I've got you?

Ulric
You're like my long lost second cousin but suddenly appear and become like, a brother to me (: Thank you and stop worrying about me. Study hard for your prelims !

Wife
We have been married for a year now, and we're still in love :D The hotcakes made me remember all the times we shared during JTC, all the plannings, complainings and most importantly, the fun ! Remember running all around, looking for oil, utensils, so mafan. And end up, our hotcakes during JTC was such a failure (: But ! I've the perfect hotcakes now, I'll definitely eat every single piece of them, not "abit", like you asked me to (: Thank you for waking up at 530, that's early, considering that you stay at AMK ! Hubby loves you and your crazy laughter (:

People who wished
I really appreciate, alot alot alot (: APPP's the first, though its at 1159 ! Thank you for phone calls, mms and sms, they're all really really sweet. I'm really shocked when some people messaged me (:

2006, best birthday ! Relatives on sunday, so much love in school today and nice dinner that my mum spent whole day cooking (: I don't know how to express my feelings, but I'm really very happy this year, and I'm really lucky to know such dear friends. Thank you for making my birthday this year, the best I ever had <3

2006-08-13T21:23:00.000-07:00

If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand

it was quite fun just now, with cute cousins, and, childish married cousin (:

i cant seem to upload pictures ! \:

just read through the easiest part, mass weight & density.

paroxysm-@hm says:
JAKE JAKE HE MAKES MY ANKLES SHAKE
JAKE JAKE SOMEDAY I'LL LIKE TO MAKE
OUT WITH
J-A-K-E BEHARI !
<3

morning was bad,

And I don't think that
I'll see her again
But we shared a moment that
will last 'till the end
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true

2006-08-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

Sec 2s, we promise to still love you despite what has happened (:

relatives coming over tomorrow for my birthday, but table's such a mess. havent studied or done any work, shit.

i have nothing to say, really.

2006-08-12T04:42:00.000-07:00

Saturday, August 12, 2006
4:42 AM

From the razor to the rosary
We could lose ourselves
And paint these walls in pitchfork red

saw sec1s at causewaypoint.

i cant bring myself to start studying, and i doubt i would even understand a thing.

to think i was fighting so hard to take the squad, how much tears shed. i know what she said is true, but now everyone thinks we're too lenient, yet 'mean' is what they described us as. we love them so much but this is just what we get. its just such a huge disappointment.

get a life, whats the big deal about it. im sick of all the qns.

2006-08-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

I am disappointed.

2006-08-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

The air speaks of all we'll never be

town with pan and joy ! (: pan was really happy because of her paulfrank slippers, she changed after buying and made me and joy say hi to paulfrank. pan was so rubbish, me and joy are so sure we are going to dream of her and her paulfrank and her indian sentence. pan made us walk alot because of her pencil case, she just couldnt make up her mind. we made her say 'youre really very handsome' to a guy who would respond, but she didnt succeed.

look at pan the taitai who spent 100bucks.

it was really really fun today (:

saw a very short (one head shorter than us) boy, who acted beng. quite cute and amusing at first because he was tiny ! but he got annoying because he was very act la, slamming the phone on the train door. he kept calling people to go to causewaypoint but he became depressed because no one wanted to. so this is what he looks like:

i was really amused when i saw this (:

Juliet <3s Romeo !

I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
Cause your voice always helps me
to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot,
working my day around the call,
But when I pick up
I don't have much to say
:D I'm smart. I love you !

2006-08-08T19:18:00.000-07:00

0808, Special day (:

Haven't you people ever heard of
closing the Goddamn door

i felt really frustrated yesterday. it was them who prevented me from crying. its unfair, how everything becomes my fault in the end. i dont deny i spend time with her but i did not purposely tell you all that im tired and dont want to go back. i wanted to go back. but i stayed because everyone wanted to eat so obviously i didnt go back alone. your looks, your remarks tore me up inside. you know how much i love you, but i felt really hurt. its not the first time, and im really sorry. but i cant do anything, except ask you to try putting yourselves in my shoes.

sick and didnt go to school. missed out on parade and so much fun ):

LB, I don't hate you. Neither am I angry. I just felt hurt, I know it wouldn't help but I felt my heart break. Thank you for being there for me yesterday, love you LB.

Romeo, don't worry okay. I miss you many many x never ending too !

tummy pains go away
never try to come again
little tan wants to play
random tummy pains go away
I love you x never ending x never ending
= never ever going to end

Smile, thank you for love and affection :D

King aka gou, i love you (:

Bitch, you know how much that sms meant to me, I really almost rolled down the sofa, knowing you still care (:

Dearest, I'm sorry it's so unfair to you. Thank you for always being there (: And no, you do not have to do anything, I love you.

Buddy's always so sweet (:

2006-08-05T23:57:00.000-07:00

If living was the hardest part
We'll then one day be together
And in the end we'll fall apart
Just like the leaves change in colors
and then I will be with you
I will be there one last time now

red and white on tue ! \:

audrey can rhyme very well !

Hello bestie here's a rhyme for you
I love all the things we always do
Laugh at the jiayous, blush at the fruitplus
I hope our (best)friendship always lasts!

I hope you're fine, and I'm glad you didn't break your promise. I wasn't even there for you when you almost did it, please tell me next time ): Thank you for spending so much time on my present, my heart will just melt when you give me (: I'll return what I owe you very very soon okay. I miss you too, tomorrow's the 6 ! (:

LB, please tell me you didn't.

2006-08-04T22:37:00.000-07:00

I can't see through
this haze of sleepless dreaming

rehearsal today was quite alright, i miss rifles !

did you know ive been waiting the whole day. and did you know i purposely walked away, purposely sent you mono smses ? seeing you in the morning didnt really help, and you even asked 'why you want to meet me'. so let me tell you, i wanted so much for you to put a smile back on my face. my heart ached, when you went back to class. i dont know how to feel anymore. im not angry. im just tired. but i love you so much, you know i do. you dont have to change, just be, you. and, GIVE ME A CALL RIGHT NOW.

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I cant get near you now
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Juliet loves Romeo <3

2006-08-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

Would you turn me down if
I'm not what you're looking for

im sorry i always get pissed with you but end up okay in the end. i cant help it. you know how much i cant stand myself, for being so indecisive. it always seem as if im taking this side, and then that side. but what can i do if everyone's just confusing me. one moment, i can trust you so much, but the very next moment someone says something, it affects me. it sucks so much, sometimes i cant even trust what you say anymore, because of some things that have been proven. you're like someone so faraway now. i miss the old you, i miss how we could talk about everything, how i could tell you every single thing. but now, its more of thinking of what i can say or cannot say. ive changed ? maybe you should know that you have too, because i dont see the old you anymore. and i can hardly tell what youve changed to. come back to me soon, i beg you. i miss you hell lots.
its not how imperfect you are, its how imperfect ill always be.

i dont like it that everytime i try to care about you, it ends up my fault. ALWAYS. im sorry ill never be the perfect friend you want me to be. and do you ever realise how harsh you are with your words, you know i love you, i really do.

it happens so many times, it hurts so bad. ive said this many many times, but i am sorry. i need more time ? youve made me feel worse, despite me trying to pretend and all. i dont need you to change. maybe _.

Smile, I love you and how you always make me feel alright. At least I know I have someone to fall back on. You'll be fine, I promise.

2006-08-02T21:50:00.000-07:00

When we base our joy
on the things that we see
We lose the trust in it all
and the faith we believe

math test was horrible. chi test was boring as usual. but finally feel so free tonight (:

drills today was okay (: sec2s were not bad when we let them prac. we were not moody or anything, in fact we were quite high ! but we just didnt show during drills (: water breaks were kind of fun. and we still insist that _.

we seem so distant now. i need you to be my support once again. we're still trying, but its different. im sad but i dont show it. nights used to be spent talking to you through sms, we would tell each other so much, but now, you would probably be sleeping because of so many things you have to do. i dont blame you, ill still continue trying. because, Queen loves King (:

Bestie, I hope you're fine.

Now I just want to show you who I am
Holding on to dreams we collide

2006-08-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

Tidal waves they rip right through me

chem was hahaha, screwed.

so my phone is dead. cannot even be repaired ):

enjoyed lunch today ! bestfriends lunch again :D we laughed at weird people, and we've learnt that when someone cries, we must shout JIAYOU (:

came home and had this very sharp pain in stomach. had fever while sleeping. dad made me see doctor. mc for tmr, but im most prob going to school, dont even have fever now.

sitting with may and xunmin is fun, but the problem is, may keeps drawing on me ! they are wise and funny people (:

thanks la. i didnt need them to know.

today was so lost without phone, i had to use people's phones to contact other people \:

drills tmr (:

Bestfriend
Cheer up please. Don't think about it for the time being. If you want to, I could help you talk to her (: I miss sitting with you leh !

LB
I love you, cheer up !

You know if this earth should crack
I'll be your solid ground
I will be there to catch you when you fall down
Dearest, cheer up, I love you alot, and I'll never ever allow you to do anything to hurt yourself.

2006-07-31T23:05:00.000-07:00

phone spoilt, and it has made me really upset. all the messages gone, how nice is that. its not like i want it to be spoilt, so get over it.

falling sick ): thank you mortal for the strepsils (:

np room was really cold, but rayjan's huge jacket saved me. partner played rough draft for me, i like :D thank you partner, for bringing the guitar all the way from home, and carrying home despite you having fever ! <3

chem tmr. what if i just get zero.

2006-07-30T23:04:00.000-07:00

And you will destroy anyone
who would try to harm 'her
But what happens when karma,
turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for,
turns on you, despite you?

bugis from morning and just reached home. cut hair, but it's no diff anyway.

its saddening to know we can hardly talk, unlike you and other people. dont know how i should be feeling.

i tried to talk to you but we ended up shouting and screaming in front of your friend. its so tiring, to waste my time caring about you. to know that you hate me so much really hurts. so ive decided, i dont want you in my life anymore. ill not try anymore, so dont expect me to do anything.

2006-07-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

activity was great. expectations was set high because we know the squad can do it (: pt was scary, almost half fall out. but could tell how much effort they put, esp for sprinting, even for the last 100m. didnt expect to end so quickly, and wanted games but it wassnt proposed. drills was, FUN. first time since probation we saw drills that made us smile (: and first time all of us laughed until i teared. they were silly but cute, making stupid mistakes. working with bestie was as nice as working with them (:

macs after that was fun ! we'll show them our cup thing soon :D joy calls it our cup dance (: way back was crazy, me and pan practically talked nonsense, because we were too sleepy. reached home and slept for almost two hours.

nonsense during shooting <3

pretty picture ! i love you smile !

2006-07-28T23:17:00.000-07:00

And all along I thought you would be there
To let me know I'm not alone

finally three tests are over. next week will be worse i think ? math and chem ): studying this week was CRAZY. basically didnt know what i was doing. studied, fall asleep, studied, fall asleep, and i did this all the way to 4 on wed, then i gave up \:

shoot comm was great :D champs ! the room was cold, without reception.

lot 1 after that (: me and vivien easily found seats. the auntie her pulled me to run to buy food. they shared alot of ghost stories and basically, me vivien and pan freaked out like crazy. while shiyun was calm and composed. i really miss ccc ):

first activity with bestie tmr ! :D guitar tmr joy ? <3

sometimes, i do wish you're not tired and would be there for me through the night \: because im missing you badly, after reading the letters. its crazy, how i cant make a decision. i dont want to, but your letter made it seem like, you dont mind. i dont know ): i hope ill still have my phone tmr, then maybe ill hear from you after activity or something.

its been long, since ive felt so \: at night.

2006-07-26T21:25:00.000-07:00

Hello, let me know if you hear me
Hello, if you want to be near
Let me know
And I'll never let you go

recess was spent doing nothing, listening to smile learn chengyu, with random and funny thoughts :D lb, you dont like me i dont like you ):

changed seats, sitting with may&xunmin now (: sitting partners in sec1, im so excited :D

changed uniform, was laughing and laughing, even yizhi did ! i realise she has dimples and colourful nail.

went home at 4, it's nice to go home early once in awhile ! train was totally empty and it got someone so high (: the train was really quiet. youre so sweet these few days, I love you !

lit tmr ! i'll study till late, since i slept for two hours just now (:
"When we have to study late at night, think of partner and you'll stay awake. And vice versa (:"

Smile
I'm sure everything will be fine in the end, I'll keep to my promise and be there, right beside you (:

Bitchy
Plan A Star Star Star Star, I'm glad we started talking again, and you bitch ! :D I hope things would become better soon.

Mortal
Thank you for being so thoughful ! <3 I'll force you to eat choc next time (:

sorry, i just dont understand why it has to always be like this. maybe its partly my fault, but you should not hurt my feelings time and time again ): ive always felt so lousy because of you. but youll possibly get pissed off if i told you. oh well.

2006-07-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

I'm breathing in your skin tonight
Quiet is my loudest cry
Wouldn't wanna wake the eyes
that make me melt inside
And if it's healthier to leave you be
may a sickness come and set me free
Kill me while I still believe
that you were meant for me

4 men today, was really scared before the thing but im glad to have my squadmates ! i like my week people, they were really supportive esp lb <3

i always enjoyed staying back :D attempt of studying was not very successful. smile, i like the staircase, its quiet and windy !

im glad i waited for you (: but i get sad whenever you mention that.

Audrey, bestfriend
Though there's people saying we cant really work well together, or that there's unfair work distribution, I hope it issn't true. If it is I hope you'll tell me okay :D We'll work well, to make our squad the best squad ever !
I would shout out your name
so it echos in every room
That's what I'd do
That's what I'd do to get through to you

Bitch
Cheer up. We'll have a talk soon I hope <3

i am washing my hands off you. mum has asked me to read your blog so that she can know whats happening to you, why the sudden change. but your constant 'i hate you' is driving me crazy, so you live your life, i live mine. since you used my comp without asking, i hope you find my blog and read this. because i mean it this time. i want the old you back, when we could even spend an hour talking before sleeping. but youve changed so much, i dont know you anymore. thanks for breaking my heart so many times, and giving me countless slaps, because ive finally realised, that youre not worth my energy. not worth my effort in changing or caring about you. bye, until the day you wake up. by the way i saw your recent post, and this is what i have to say, I DONT NEED YOU.

2006-07-23T15:48:00.000-07:00

All that I got to pull me through <3

2006-07-22T03:57:00.000-07:00

I hope it isn't too late to say
That without you this place looks like London
It rains every day

before parade which started at 5 was really fun, with puay and drey. carrying chairs and then polishing/gossiping was great :D

parade was not as scary as i thought it would be (: scolded sec2s quite badly before the parade because they just wouldnt listen, but the applause they gave us made me feel even happier that im going to take them (:

sat down and sang some random songs while waiting for the super long queue. took food to share but ended up me and audrey didnt really eat. took presents and there was alot of hugs and crying. puay made me and joy cry first because of her very very sweet present ! tried singing songs but ended up crying even more instead. thank you for all the hugs, i like (: esp smile, who treated me like a baby, and even gave me balloons :D and no i do not hate you la, i love you (: but the embarrassing thing was, our squad were crying instead of the sec4s, i cant imagine next year !

sec2 pncos, <3
ill miss the times we spent planning activities after activities, and complaining whenever it's rejected over and over again. jtc was fun, i rmb spending a whole day at macs on puay's birthday just to plan, but it ended up getting rejected. sleeping over was great, not forgetting screaming in the drama studio. im sorry joy, that i scolded you once, because i was annoyed. but now, im more annoyed with myself for ever doing that to you. just like joy said, we can still call each other partners, and i will also promise to respond (: jiayou for present posts, ill always be there to help if you need.

realised that i might have left wallet in class ): i really hope to find it because there's things inside, and i would cry if i lose the wallet. esp when the wallet's given by them last year for my birthday ):

phone's confiscated during weekends ):

three tests next week. time to really sit down and study alr.

yes dear i wouldnt let go if i could (:

what smile said made me realise how that someone treats people. it hurts too, and how i wish, for once, she would realise. but i know she probably wouldnt, so ill continue waiting, by the side.

i can tell you how i always paid attention during your lessons, taking down every single thing that you asked us to. for the spelling part, i really did study the night before. i will make sure i do the jianbao thing that you said the FOUR of us had to hand in to prove to you that we can make it. but you know what, im sick of always disappointing you and your comments. i wont hate you but i cant help it that you dont realise that im trying.

Our fingers on the trigger, says:
i really only use Barbie cup you know
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
except for milo dino
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
and milk
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
else got smell ma
<33333333

2006-07-20T21:33:00.000-07:00

Realise that I've lost control,
impulses keep flashing through my head

i really cant stand how you two can talk about each other to me, feeling sad and irritated and all. but the next moment, im out of the picture again. i really dont like it. maybe you two are much closer, but its killing me inside, how i always wanted to fit in. but you two are still really special to me.

im sorry i kinda got pissed at you, and you got pissed in the end. im sorry, and thank you for spending time with me, i was really happy. i love you (:

im glad i showed you my blog last night. im glad you made an effort to spend time with me today, i really appreciate.

thank you smile, i love you, and youre my plan A as well <3 cheer up, stop playing _, because it hurts.

maybe i would have felt better not knowing. but now that i do, im sorry that everything ends up my fault. i can tell you how upset i was, but still am trying hard not to tell you. but it ended up that you, didnt want to see me. that im always the cause of all the pain. perhaps i shouldnt have mentioned to you this morning, cont keeping it to myself. but i just couldnt take it. i love you, i really do, but maybe im just too imperfect for you. im sorry.

2006-07-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

life's so empty now.

i dont like how much backstabbing is going on. and neither do i like it when you lie. maybe youre not even making an effort to be close again. whatever spare time you have is only spent on other ppl. and yet you say youre sad that we drifted. i miss sec2, i rmb how we got close and how we used to spend so much time tog.

ive been feeling so insecure. i feel like such a fucking plan b every single time. esp to you. i guess i dont matter anyway, only when youre having prob with others. it sucks when you say im special/im the best and stuff like that, because youre not showing in your actions. and you, only when youre irritated with her then ill be there. if not, WHO THE HELL AM I.

i need someone to make me secure once again.

all i ask is for a minute tog.

2006-07-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

went to j8 after a long long time today. drey was having a hard time a gift a name, the salesperson lent her calculator because she talked to herself, trying to calculate, haha.

seiyu was funny, krys was auntie.

collating the particulars is so tedious, im getting giddy typing the numbers !

cheer up smile, drey, pan (:

i dont want the stupid zuowen tmr, ill prob laugh at the qns again.

i cant believe i ironed my pinafore so nicely myself :D

its, bedtime, and i havent done anything much today ): tmr, i hope.

im looking forward to friday, pop.

jessica: my printer totally no ink alr lor, ive so much stuff i need to print but cannot :D better be thankful. im glad to be your successor, dear applepeachpie partner (:
vivien: jiayou, and hang on there ! the workload can be quite alot, but bear with it (:
SYL: dont be thick skin again lor !
bestfriend: i like our prog ideas :D
joanna & sylvia: thank you ! <3

2006-07-17T23:15:00.000-07:00

But only love can say -
try again or walk away

today passed really quickly. listening was high and fun (: before the thing, there was this period of time where we had to stone and listen to, classical music. most slept, and jumped up when the invi mumbled sth. after that everyone were talking about the answers, reminds me of, haha, psle.

recess was fab, talking to smile makes me smile.

planning prog with partner is fun, because we come up with funny ideas (:

two people have said i looked younger, like p3 ! \:

went to hosp to visit mum. two sides of family went la. reached home at around 10. doing housework is not fun ):

and no, ill not allow you to disapprove of me being in np.

i dont know what to feel. i dont know when did i start the 'pretend never see you' thing. but it hurts to walk pass each other just like that. its like we're both busy with our own lifes. i have nothing to say, i just feel youre not making any effort in meeting me anymore. so i dont see why i should always be the one to ask. or maybe, youre really too busy, and that i cannot blame you. i dont know what the talk meant yesterday, im confused. I MISS YOU, ALOT.

i shall sleep earlier today i hope.

2006-07-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

came back from chalet at 6plus. mum just went to hosp cause she's terribly sick \:

chalet was quite fun actually (:

prepop's games was quite, okay. but timing not very good, spent too much time on prep. end up squad vs squad games cancelled ): was sad, because i think it'll be fun. performance was sad ): i was trying to control my tears. the presents were sweet and nice, and ill really miss the sec4s ! after only spending less than 3years with them, they have been really supportive, and i cant bear to see them leave np.

getting my post made me a really happy girl, i like the squad alot (: and my partner ! i know i was really fierce in the morn, and i even thought of giving up, since i might not even be taking them alr. but since im given a chance to again, ill never give up on the squad i like so much (:

squadmates, stay strong together. no matter what post, we're still A squad, 20 monkies/penguin (:

meiling: sorry for not being there for you when you needed me ! <3 where you got the rose was funny, but because you gave it to me, its really nice and pretty (:
smile: cheer up, ill stand by you.
drey: BESTIE AKA PARTNER :D
pan: im sure youll work well with her, jiayou bitch !

2006-07-13T23:08:00.000-07:00

why you make me so insecure ):

staying back with squadmates is fun in a way, we hardly have time together. but its tiring ):

hey smile, cheer up. SHUT UP AUNTIE, DONT BULLY VIVIEN.

bestie, dont be sad. im sure she cares, still. but somehow, shes just lousy in showing it. at least you know, we care, so dont think too much alr okay ?

You were my strength when I was weak <33333333

2006-07-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

been staying until late these few days. tiring ! ): was doing invitation and message until 1. did alittle physics, tried to study. but fell asleep until 2plus. studied until 3plus, then fell asleep until 4. decided to go to BED.

hahahaha, the chinese test sucked. instead of only getting 2 wrongs, i only knew 1, and thats bad.

tmr's prep again (:

need to finish 4zuowens, math, physics by tonight, and thats alot.

today went to ikea for the sec time of the week (: there was a weird man who scared bestfriend, and she wanted to scream. haha. a weird 'yoges' person smsed me twice. first to ask 'where are you ba?', second to ask 'have you bought the lock?'.

CHEER UP SMILE & BESTIE ! <3

you made sounded like i was unwilling to help. we are so confused by you, because we never knew who to believe.

2006-07-09T22:38:00.000-07:00

went to grandma's hosue for durian (:

vanessa: stop worrying about me okay (: ill really be fine. you take care !

2006-07-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

Sunday, July 09, 2006
3:05 PM

And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

B ITCHY & we are: im sure we'll go out again soon :D
we are: thank you for being there for me :D you sound so chim, unlike in our make beleive life leh (:
puay: haha why you so cute ah ? you got a friend in me too (:
vanessa: you too devil !
simba: eh walau simba, you never blog about me i also jealous ):

<33333333

Wait, but not Forever says:
ive a Happily Ever After guarantee with my barbie : )
Wait, but not Forever says:
meaning,
Wait, but not Forever says:
we'll live happy ever after, confirm plus chop : )
Wait, but not Forever says:
And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine
Wait, but not Forever says:
i love you : D

This weekend was not a very happy one, but THREE VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE has made me happy,
BESTFRIEND SMILE & BITCH (:

And you know I give myself to you and
no matter what you do I promise you my heart

2006-07-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

P3 <3 P4 & 6 !

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

2006-07-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

Saturday, July 08, 2006
1:31 PM

i feel really, really lousy. and its all my fault, i have never and will never be good enough for you. maybe ive not tried hard enough. why im avoiding to think of why for somethings, because its bringing alot of hurt. yes im weak and cowardly. perhaps ive given up since last night. what you said last night, you would rather be a normal friend to me, hurt me much. how you hung up on me, made me feel like youre letting go. but come to think of it, maybe you should. so i would stop bringing so much pain to you. i dont know how, im going to stand up again.

on a lighter note, bestfriend and smile accompanied me for the night (: just when i was crying so hard, and was about to do it, this two were my strength last night. and i really hope theyll be fine too.

from smile <3

2006-07-07T20:44:00.000-07:00

town with best friend and bitch :D watched garfield, because of pan ! at first was quite awake, because, garfield's expression was cute, i like the dog also (: but then i got sleepy and some stupid parts i just fell asleep. as in really, sleep. it was comfy ! after the thing, we realised that me and audrey were sitting on couple seat, but we didnt know. then pan jealous, so she POUNCED on to audrey.

after we came out, got high because we kept saying stupid stuff. and i when i saw someone wearing crocs+socks, i did something dumb (: walked around looking at toys. audrey's kelly, thus audrey's my sister.

went home after, because pan needed to meet her mother.

was with both of them together the whole day, i dont know why (:
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark says:
haha yeah lor! i like (:

smile: cheer up okay (: vivien crushes tan ! -does hand thing
audrey: you really very childish one leh, always beat me ! but its fun sitting beside you because i get high laughing at YOU.
pan: dont scared leh, she wont eat you up right ! (:
puay: you very nice and comforting :D ill really miss you as my partner ! i really did badly, i was talking nonsense, i didnt even understand myself, haha.
joy: youre really sweet ! somehow youll always be there when i cry or am sad, then youll always type something on my phone (: ill miss, partnering you !

2006-07-06T23:20:00.000-07:00

today was a bad day ): screwed oral

i know im not strong enough. i gave the wrong answer, i shouldnt have wanted _ in the first place. i really was so \: after the interview. i felt even lousier than before. stay strong squadmates (: im so glad that they were there. so glad smile was the first person i saw, somehow her hug made me feel secure.

talk was only halfway through. im so confused because i cant take a stand again. sometimes i feel this, and sometimes i feel that. i hate it okay. we look close but we're just a bunch of emo and confused people.

it hurts that we're not close anymore. that im slowly losing trust in you. that you bitch about us.

youre right. ive no dreams, no goals. im not strong enough. maybe im just not trying hard enough to study harder. maybe im just too lousy to be in _.

im just glad that at least you still care.

i cant blog properly, im so tired from yesterday. i hope its a better day tmr.

2006-07-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

Cutest baby in the whole world (she claims to be):

Now that we're here, it's so far away. says:
your cute pic, haha
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
HAHAHA
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
i'm so cute man
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
probably the cutest baby in the whole worold
Now that we're here, it's so far away. says:
thick skin
Now that we're here, it's so far away. says:
i post on my blog ah !
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
it's true what, you cant deny!
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
post lor, so that everyone can see how cute i am
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
everyone'll be commenting how cute i am
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
and i go famous, probably get a contract or aomething
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
don't worry, when i get my grammy, i'll thank you!
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
and you can post the conversation too
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
so that people get the hint
Our fingers on the trigger, says:
hahaha

you dont know how glad i am to be talking to you again :D was sad because we drifted. but now now now :D youre one of the people who make me smile to myself. and I LOVE MY SMILE (:

I never had no one
I could count on
I've been let down so many times
I was tired of hurtin'
So tired of searchin'
'til you walked into my life
It was a feelin'
I'd never known
And for the first time
I didn't feel alone
You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me

Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend

dont leave me PLEASE ! promise ah (: you make me smile to my comp and phone ALWAYS. malu me only (: but im still in love. (badtaste)

i just put the cream for my rashes then my thigh keep sticking to the chair i have to keep moving my ass lor
YOU CAN FEEL THE LEATHER ?
your's leather?
mine's wood
mine's wool
WOOL?
not wool la
soft soft
cushion ?
HAHA
fabric isit
YA
soft soft, wool still got hard hard one meh
mine's white leather, so pretty right!
tan is damn stupid
tan not stupid lah, just dumb only
ppl pri 3 only mah
never come to the chapter on materials yet!
maybe next term
tsk, your teacher very slow leh
haiiyo. i already learn materials last year leh
cause im primary 4
now we learning health ed. the pad chapter
you know how to put pad ?
-jealous
^.^v i want to learn

hehe. i can play with my best friend everyday ! you have to wait until psle over. HEHE (:

whey
why am i talking to myself
you all dont friend me already ah?
sorry leh
i put you all in Gold Star okay
dont angry
fRenX 4eVa ma ~

tan's one is embarrassing me only lor!
always liddat one. hmph i dont friend you already
you become Gold only
why ):
whey !
I WANT GOLD STAR
PLEASE LEH
yay, i'm the only one in gold star right!
aha
tan, cry!

i used to say yupp-a-doodles all the time
i like no way hosay
gawg is nice!
like gawggggggggggggg!
but i never really knew how to spell 'hosay'!?
hoesay!
but you get the drift
like the hoe can talk!
i don't just get the drift man
I GOT TSUNAMI!

whey bestfriend come back!
i put you in Gold Star leh
then got cut her wrist and black her eyes right!
HENG AH
I ALMOST WANT TO CUT MYSELF
BUT I SCARED !
see tan just waitin for me to say she's on gold star then she come back lor
i always play hide and seek at my pri school track
which is like only 200m. HAHA

THEY ARE MAKING ME LAUGH ALOT :D if i continue posting the conver, it'll be never ending (:
<33333333
P3, P4, P6 :D

notice the EIGHT hearts (: and, they have important exams this year, unlike the childish p3, who is so carefree :D

the color's gross, but its the colors we use for msn (:

2006-07-01T22:29:00.000-07:00

The rain is pouring down
I walk through the puddles
Each one a different sound
I pass your house
The feeling comes over me
It's just an emotion only the heart can say
Cause I miss you

open house today. slept and laughed in np room alot (: ahmao was the funniest \: sulaoshi was very nice during oral ! really cant speak chinese, bet he had difficulty understanding what i was saying la. most people just say one whole para without stopping. i only said one sentence. then question, one sentence, question, one sentence. like SHIT. how to pass ):

Our fingers on the trigger, says:
what is love to you?

im so glad you called last night, at 12 (: somehow, whenever we see each other, its so weird. i dont understand, why we hardly talk with people around. its like you forgot theres such a thing called us. i really really dont like it. and im damnit jealous of _. now, i just hope your phone will be found.

ill miss them (:

If I could get another chance,
another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end

2006-07-01T15:12:00.000-07:00

my smile, always sends me sweet pictures and messages. she never fails to be my listening ear when i rant and rant nonstop :D

2006-06-30T11:08:00.000-07:00

flag raising was, OMG. wassnt us who hooked, then when it went up, it was all entangled and stuck ):

math test was shit. haha, im just glad i could do at least one question. completing square, i suddenly forgot how to do \: another test that im going to fail again.

it was quite fun today (: especially pt. was really weird and not myself today !

it was actually quite _ alr, but some people just have to comment so much right in front of our face.

overall, really had fun taking them (: malu-ed myself during dismissal !

open house tmr, BASHA :D

i cant stand seeing you ): extremely cliche but, so near yet so far. hahahaha.

dearest smile, i hope everything's fine. ill always be there for you <3

best friend, its nice talking to you. somehow, i can just pour out everything without worrying. dont leave me next week LEH.

2006-06-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

chinese oral. failed, and am lousiest in class again. it sucks you know, to be always the lousiest, since, PRIMARY school. maybe i should really start studying seriously. olevel oral is next thurs, and if i fail again, like i told audrey, ill most probably go to ite. tmr's math test, and i didnt even know how to do the ws. thought of what my dad said, he said he had very high expectations of me but i just kept letting him down.

it not anything about trust. its about facing the facts. i still want it badly, but ive to learn to let go. to accept that ill always be a failure.

you know, i really miss last year. when nothing really mattered. we just, played.

i guess telling you didnt help. it just made you more tired. everytime i see you, somehow my heart just aches.

I wanna run to you
I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you
But if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away

2006-06-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

I don't need your reasons

had fun laughing and laughing during lesson, esp physics yesterday :D

jubilate yesterday was nice (: reached home at 12.

today, slacked at pan's house, then causeway (: laughed alot.

BEST FRIENDS ARE
HIP AND COOL AND ANTI-UGLY GUYS

I'm sorry.

i know im too lousy, ill consider not putting myself as _. maybe im fated according to lu's dream, to be b____ n__.

when will i stop being such a failure.

2006-06-26T18:40:00.000-07:00

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along

sorry bitchy ):

i hate when im compared with her. im just in a state where my mind cant function properly. and youve to understand i dont really start talking first, to you, or to my friends. its not like its the first day you know me. if you cant stand who i am, then just, choose not to spend time with me. since she is better anyway. since its so taxing, then ive nothing to say. i do admit that i was exceptionally quiet, i dont know why either. and it hurts to see you so tired, once again. you say im happier with my friends, so are you right.

sometimes you confuse me so much, i dont know whether you really ____.
but one thing im sure of, I Love You.

Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

AUDREY LOVES ME :D
You're the best friend
that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
You're my best friends
You make me live
I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me girl
I'm happy, happy at home
You're my best friend.
You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love
The things that you do
You're my best friend
<3
contact us at:
BeXfRieNdsR4eva~@singnet.com.sg

2006-06-25T20:50:00.000-07:00

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always

i dont know how to do the math review paper ): math's first lesson.

homework not all done.

...

2006-06-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

There's a weight dragging through my days
that I spend trying to fill the space

today, went for lunch, guitar, ball, dinner (: with sister and cousin. parents went jb.

what me and audrey came up with:
GENTLY COMPRESS THE _
WITH A SHORT SWIFT STROKE, TIGHTLY CLAMP THE _ :D

now, everything just reminds me of you.

puay: not i type kawaii ne one (: i only added the funny smile. anyway, think you fail spelling, right ANNOYMOS (:

simba: your sms that night made me so surprised ! i was really shocked. it made me smile and i suddenly felt loved (: thank you lb ! <3 -heads up.

you're like a , well hair, somedays you have a good hair day and you straight and happy, otherdays you have a bad hair day and the firzzy hair evokes sad stuff. but but kodomo toothpaste, because it does good to your hair (:

i do love kodomo toothpaste ! (:

We could be more than just amazing. says:
doesnt make sense
fleeced_@hm says:
it does, but hyphen is always confused

vanessa: cheer up, and i hope i wassnt too straightforward and mean !

VIVIEN: HEY SMILE ! cheer up, you know everything WILL be alright, in the end.

we are: ^.^v you always make me look like a fool. but still, i think im in love (:

jessica: maybe maybe maybe its the same person that called me (: but, ESKIMO is a weird name ! SUPERMAN is dumb, haha (:

I bought a card down at the drugstore
It said I'm thinking of you
I've put some flowers on the table
But I know you won't be home

2006-06-23T22:55:00.000-07:00

Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever
Come on baby we aint gonna live forever
Let me show you
all the things that we could do
You know you wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you

okay, im really glad to receive your call (: it helped much, for awhile, at least i did smile and laugh for 30minutes. but i cant help feeling everything again. i miss heart talks, even though i would probably end up crying, but it makes me feel better. now i just feel, empty. in short, i miss you.

2006-06-22T23:29:00.000-07:00

I need to hear that you'd die for me
Again and again and again

simba said im a weird magnet who attracts weird people = im weird. ANOTHER person smsed me and asked to be friends. 18+ ESKIMO. like, ESKIMO. i replied 'stop smsing me'. get a life please ): its really irritating.

after reading vivien's blog, im getting alittle scared too. homework so much undone. ive not started studying, like i thought i would. waking up tmr to do, i hope.

2006-06-22T19:08:00.000-07:00

Thursday, June 22, 2006
7:08 PM

ld was short but nice (:

simba is such an ass ! (: scar = star = scare. kingkong + specs :D her attempt of touching the sliding doors failed because too many people walked pass. she bumped & stepped on alot of people, a woman shouted HEYYYYY ! simba made me burst out laughing too many times.

after ld, there was this person who called, thrice.

first call
her: hello who is this ?
me: rachel, who are you
her: im looking for puma
me: PUMA ?!
her: ..
me: who is that ? wrong number
her: why you keep laughing ?
me: wrong number !
i kept laughing and i think SHE got pissed off, hah.

sec call
him: hello who is this ?
me: who are you do i know you
him: no but i want to know you
me: huh ? -laugh damn loud

third call
him: ay why you put down my call
me: why i must talk to you ?
him: why you and your friends keep laughing, very funny meh ?
me: who are you, do i know you
him: no you dont know me but i want to know you, we can be friends
me: you nothing to do ah ?
him: whats your name ?
me: crazy. bye bye !

same number, amusing ahbeng ! i just kept laughing and scolding him.

alright. he just smsed me. 'im super man'. he is weird \:

smsed audrey after a long time (: she said i have anti-auntie dressing sense, but pro-auntie actions ! she kept making me smile to myself in the train !
I wonder how i wonder why
Yesterday you told me about the blue blue sky
(she wondered who she was going to sit with next term)
she wants to be like me, so kawaii ne ^.^v

2006-06-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Thursday, June 22, 2006
7:08 PM

Temporary happiness
is like waiting for the knife
Cause I'm always watching
for someone to show their darker side
So maybe I'll sit back
and just enjoy all this for now
Watch it all play out
see if you really stick around

puay: ya lor, too bad you never stay over ! we screamed and screamed rmb (: we took so long to do up drama studio, and only 5min to clear up, haha. it was definitely fun (:

karon: glad that you found it fun (:

am going to watch ld later (: hope it will be fun !

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

2006-06-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

I can't take it
What am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking
I miss you even more

staying over was quite fun in fact (: bathing was freezing. couldnt really sleep, less than 3 hours. it was cold and hard on the specs stand.

game preparation was quite okay, except morale was quite low. breakfast was nice but messy (:

You're like a storm against the window
Follow me around just like a shadow
I'll swim a never ending ocean
Until you bring back your devotion

It's like I live a thousand lifetimes
Still looking for the one that feels right
See, moving on just isn't working
You lit the fire that I burn in

I guess I'm holding on to my faith
A solid hope I'm heading your way
And crawling over is so tempting
We could be more than just amazing

2006-06-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

be gone for one night tmr (:

2006-06-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

shes in that much pain, that crying alone can make her feel the pain of being cut or scarred , hence the term blood.tasting refering to having an experience, not the one that has to do with food

cos right now shes aint really concentrating on whatever you are typing, she most probably is thinking so hard about how bad her life is to her, this and that, how she got hurt blah blah. try to keep her into the conversation. than bring out something happy/good to talk about and sink her mind into it

not a lit student, ambition is not a psychologist :D

2006-06-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

Sunday, June 18, 2006
1:08 PM

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you

going to airport for dinner and because, my relatives are coming back (:

i seriously, need to start on my homework soon.

dear: I LOVE YOU! :D
ulric: take care too and stop drinking bitter beer la !
Weiling: (: it was fate
we are: that's what bestfriends do right ? (:
VIVIEN: unit outing went well because we had great ics (:
WIFEY: although it tasted horrible, i drank it because you opened it ! :D
jessica: of course ! i was so afraid it would float away in the sea but audrey said she would swim after the ball if it does (:
KEN: YOU'RE HANDSOME, ITS TRUE :D

Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt

2006-06-16T23:58:00.000-07:00

And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be

garbage bags are smelly ): puay was the pro, teaching us to cut :D the drama studio is really dark and me and puay screamed the first time we off \: sissy partner (:

long ago, we were talking about jubilate, and i thought you would be going. i thought you would be going with me. ive been looking forward to spending time with you, but only today then i realise you didnt get tickets cuz you didnt want to go. maybe i shouldnt feel anything, because im just, too thick skin right. but no, it issnt your fault, and im not going to make you go for jubilate. i already told you i could still get the ticket, but you dont seem to bother, so i guess youre too busy or you just dont feel like going. i understand. really.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

2006-06-15T15:03:00.000-07:00

Holding on is harder than it seems
When you're reaching for so much more
Seems so much easier to just give in
When you're reaching for so much more

thank you for the talk last night (:

I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
haha you must be jealous of my flexibility!
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
friendster also put
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
dp also put!
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
haha scully you make one big big one put in your room lor!
- says:
later i put the pic on my blog then you know
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
put lor, who scared of you man

I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
gd lor! everyone will be jealous of my flexibility!
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
like rubber band
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
pull and let go also go back to original position!
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
haha oops thats elasticity :/

this is how thick skin my best friend is !

What happened to you
You've played the victim
for so long now in this game
What I thought was true
Is made of fiction and I'm following the same

2006-06-14T23:00:00.000-07:00

When I can't sleep at night
without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try
I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinnin' around and around

I can't believe we fill our lives with
all these trials and errors on our way

i hate myself for letting you down and tiring you time and time again.

after unit outing, we stayed till seven (: cried, laughed, char and simba OPENED COCONUT, played, shouted, sang, screamed. we just stood in a row slightly in the water and screamed. it was shuang (: krys was such a darling (: puay too, who was so worried when i was going to puke (:

I built my life on a rigid frame
So nothing bends
it only breaks into pieces and pieces
I waited for hope to arrive but it never came
Leaving me with only pain inside
I'm going off the deep end

2006-06-13T22:41:00.000-07:00

And I really wish sometimes
that we would just move on
But what would I be doing if you were gone

tmr's unit outing (: better not rain. i hope everything goes well.

i will learn to accept. and move on.

But don't you remember that you once said that you liked happy endings? says:
my cousin's volleyball is
But don't you remember that you once said that you liked happy endings? says:
very new !
But don't you remember that you once said that you liked happy endings? says:
adidas some more !
But don't you remember that you once said that you liked happy endings? says:
better dont lose it
But don't you remember that you once said that you liked happy endings? says:
; D
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
if drop into the sea i'll swim after it
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
!
I've been to the edge and back again And I know all there is to know it's a dead end says:
haha i try to kiap the splinter out then i kiap all the skin around it except the splinter -.-

silly, cute, gila, ahbeng, auntie BEST FRIEND (:

The end is near, the summer days
All the great things go away
Feel the cold coming around the bend
Everything's gonna change again

2006-06-12T22:33:00.000-07:00

With your hand on my shoulders,
a meaningless movement,
a moviescript ending,
And the patrons are leaving, leaving.

collected sand in the morning for campfire. we looked very auntie carrying into school. thank you bestfriend for the bookmark ! :D

campfire prep was alright. it was smelly soaking rags/wood but was quite fun because there was good company (:

today's shopping for unit outing stuff was quite fun (: kept stopping and discussing for very long.

am staying at home tmr to pack my room, settle unit outing and start homework ! \: just realised not much time left for homework.

headache's driving me crazy ):

I used to bleed for you
Just to watch you fade

2006-06-10T22:59:00.001-07:00

I was in the sun, but feeling cold
I was gripping tight, but lost a hold

screamy + hairy + crazy + soaking firewood = weird
loud + siao + soaking rags = funny

AUNTIE GILA BENG makes me laugh almost everytime i chat with her on msn (:

December Rain <3 says:
ey why you so sad!
December Rain <3 says:
dont be la okay
December Rain <3 says:
kennie will be back soon

going jb/suntec tmr.

im looking forward to unit outing ! but if it rains, ill be very sad ):

this post is so random.

i just realised how much we've really drifted.

2006-06-09T23:22:00.000-07:00

So maybe you were right
Maybe I'm not worth the fight

back (:

so i was at chiangmai with weiling (: but not same tour group.

my tour group was very cool (: korean and indian ! all funny and nice people. tour guide's name was, mam.

the place was fine. though i wished i was going with the rest next week, but i wouldnt want to miss unit outing (:

the children and dogs were really cute ! the people were nice (:

six days passed really fast, and now its back to life again. so far, only 3 questions of math homework is done \:

audrey
dont be sad. remember, start new storybook ma. i know its hard, but i guess if both of you try to forget everything, everything should be fine unknowingly. its so saddening, to see both of you like this for so long now. but you still got bf (:
SAHA LOVES WEARE !
Nobody's gonna love me better
I must stickwitu forever
dont worry about monday (:
quotes you: *MuAcKz*

pan
SILLY KEN thought i would get angry over such stuff (: dont be angry for me being anticlim ! why you so sad nowadays ): i also dont know how to help you ): cheer up bitch (: ME AND YOU SUPERMARKET.

meiling
so xintong when i found out what youve been doing the whole week ! you left already, youre probably on your coach admiring the stars now right ! (: didnt have time to ask you whether youre over that alr or not, but i hope youre fine (: and if you do come online, and you do remember my blog, I LOVE YOU (:

lu
i hope you are fine ! (: you very scary when you sad one leh, you will go crazy (: remember no matter what everything will be fine in the end because i got you and you got me, your money is my money (: and stop worrying that we drifted, im sure we'll be ok (:

i missed everyone soo much (:

You realize all your faults
Were never their mistakes

2006-06-04T14:31:00.000-07:00

changi airport now :D flight at 310.

vanessa ! think am same tour group as weiling la (:

ill be missing campfire prep ! ): ohwell. bye !

2006-06-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

cheer up, meiling lu pan vanessa (:

till friday (:

2006-06-02T20:18:00.000-07:00

wedding dinner yesterday was fun (:

went lib today, ate pizza hut, laughed, went back to lib, laughed at the papers, got scolded by lib, went to bugis, got pissed, went to grandma house, edgar cheered me up, got pissed, came home, got pissed. thank my sister.

2006-06-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

And I don't need another kind of green
To know I'm on the right side

we were champions yesterday (: it was great, we all had each other though it was really tiring. last match was scary, some of us cried because we were so close to losing (: choo treated all of us to fish and co. reminded us of campcraft. sat beside audrey again and we were selfish people :D we seemed to be the only people who liked the smoked salmon so much (:

i hope shooting does well :D

after captain's ball yesterday, met mum and auntie and cwp. they were doing last min shopping and was quite late already cause going to cut hair. my auntie even ran into metro la ! felt even aunti-er with them ! and i found out, my auntie doesnt even know which bus to take, and where to stop. i felt so pro (:

just came back from part of the wedding. i hardly saw my uncle in tie, and today he was so cute ! my auntie said he put all the tie on the bed this morning and slowly choose, haha. read cousin's speech last night, it was really funny and thick skin, i told him i'll laugh until i fall later (: i asked him to add a paragraph to thank me in his speech then he was like "I would also like to thank the siao cha bo, who always never fail to disturb me." part of it was thanking grandparents and parents, and he say they sure cry one. he didnt allow his mum to read because "not meaningful already". i cant believe my childish cousin is getting married :D

my face is peeling ):

audrey left already ): when she returns, ill not be in spore yet. which means i wont be talking to her for more than 1week ! TAKE CARE, WE ARE :D

2006-05-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

She's the same colour as my dream
I'm not quite sure what that means

oral today, i screwed it up, so badly (:

it was fun and tiring training for captain's ball (: i became really red in the end. really hope for the best tmr (:

WE, COME FROM THE GREATEST TEAM,
WE COME FROM SNG
CHAR SIMBA LU DREY PAN KRYS PUAY VVN <3

i was so glad to spend time with you again today :D

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, its hard to kill
Who know what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
I LOVE YOU ! <3

2006-05-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

It's like I'm walking on another thin line

second class is out and thats very fast (: im happy :D i think the results improved, well done squadmates !

spent whole day at home doing practically nothing.

get well soon bitch (:

oral tmr \: am so dead. captain's ball training after :D

2006-05-28T23:57:00.000-07:00

you dont know how glad i am to talk to you just now <3 it was as if nothing has happened, i was even able to laugh. i miss those times when phonecalls always made us happy (: its been long since i put down smiling, you know i love you so :D

2006-05-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

Sunday, May 28, 2006
05:06 PM

What do you think darling?
Have we lived too much too fast?
And have you,
have you felt the melancholy darling,
Wishing the time hadnt passed?

Can you tell me how it used to be
When we really cared?
And when love was on our side
On our side

i slept at 7, woke up at 1230 last night. messaged a little. slept and woke up at 1130 today \:

second class is finally over (: am so low, i became very high during moi (: puay ate lunch with us finally !

thanks for pretending you even cared. i wont bother you anymore really.

its true, front stage is enough. youre not the one doing all the back stage, so it doesnt matter right.

am lost ): i love you.

Tonight let's close the door
And hold onto the nearest thing